Some day

One fine morning, while I am still lazying around in bed, the phone will ring and i will hate the sudden barging in on my privacy... but then when the ringer shows its you... my body will be ripped apart by a customary shiver... within the space of those few rings, the laziness will fade away and I will wake wide up due to the alertness it takes in going back and forth on whether I should pick your call right now or call back in the best of my moods. I will pick the call and say a grodgy "hello" to send across the message that I am sleepy and so might not be at my humorous best. But that will soon go into the background when you start to speak. Ankoor, the time that we spent in Bangalore does mean a lot to me, i treasure your friendship and miss you sometimes. And yess, it was perfectly ok to open up the way you did... it isnt foolish and and it doesnt hurt always...After I hang-up the ever so dried out tears will start flowing... I will be happy...

looking at earth from the window of an aeroplane

sachu says "look at the city from the window of an aeroplane and imagine it to be a PCB (Printed Circuit board), the roads being the conductive pathways and we being the electrons moving along these pathways. Think about it, electricity moves from point A to point B which is the essence of a PCB (Printed Circuit Board). Likewise we moving around forms the essence of LIFE. In other words the world is a large PCB we are the electrons. "
Sachu is an electronics engg and so this thought can be categorised as "he has lost it. his work is getting to him"

END OF BLOG.

JUST KIDDING. I liked this thought instantly. So this time when I was flying down from Boston I tried seeing the earth as a PCB. and then I started thinking: -
If I were a painter I could look at earth as a painting which came out so well that its life like
If I were a finance guy I could look at 2 cities as financial institutions and the people traveling from one place to another can be compared to the flow of money
If I were a writer I could look at earth as a book, all of us part of a big story.

i think i should have named this blog "professional poetry from the window of an aeroplane" ;-)

a beautiful dialogue from 'never been kissed'

that thing...

that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person...

and you realise that that person is the only person you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life...

and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you wanna laugh and you wanna cry coz you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time...

Cricket to me

70 runs to win... 7 wickets down... Ankoor is the only recognised batsman on the pitch... Straight drive, punch through cover pull down squareleg... "Ankoorrrrrrrrrrrrrrryaaaa did you finish the page? you are on it since half an hour!!!" That was Mom... The rain interuption, or the should I say the thunderstorm interuption in my close finishing, heroic day dream.The human mind can never be blank, thoughts, dreams etc. always keep it busy. I have played a world record number of cricket matches in my day dreams, scored tonnes of runs and been a hero in each match. Thats how much I love the game.

One major regret I always carried is that I could never play competitive cricket. I am very aggressive by nature and as a kid always adored the way the pakis played their cricket and played it pretty much the same way, with aggression.

I remember a very funny incident as a kid in school when my senior house team was loosing badly and I was just a spectator. I went up to our captain who was fielding at the boundry with a vaseline bottle and asked him if he wanted to use it and that it could help win the game. He was stunned. When I played for my college team I was so chirpy behind the stumps, I used to get warnings from batsman, "match ke baad milte hain".

My day dreams finally got tired of being repeated and so they turned into a reality. I moved to Dallas and through this gentleman at work named Zia somehow got in touch with a Paki team which plays 2nd division league cricket in Dallas. Its a well recognised league and there is much more on offer than I had ever dreamt off. I play for them as a wicket keeper batsman. I am no hero player like the one in my dreams... in fact i have screwed it up in so many situations which I have won in my day dreams. so much so that in between I even quit it, totally. On retrospection I realised I was making the most common human error. Dream, dream dream and when you achieve it move on... take it for granted... leave it, coz its not exactly how the you had planned it, or maybe coz you had planned it wrong or may be too far.
So now I have started playing again and hope that this time around I will enjoy living this dream. That way I can make this a memory of a lifetime.

I meet some great individuals whenever I play a match. We call ourselves as Eagles. All of them have common traits. They are big at heart, very aggressive, hit the ball very hard, dont have a defensive bone, always think positive, bowl and bat their hearts out, never miss a chance to pull someones leg, are never short of a word. They are full of advice and will shower upon you any amount of trust and support if they think you are good, honest and have talent. Amir bhai, Asif bhai and Abdullah bhai are my favourites.

You will always need something to fix.

You will always need something to fix.

When life gets very very tough, and it reaches a point from where you question the mere existence of God, good deeds, truth, infact the need to continue your own life... and You choose to stand up tall and fight hard and smart. Like a hero walking out of fire you emerge out of the troubles of life, to tell the tale of bravery and determination. This blog is not about the initial struggle and your bravery in emerging out of it. Its about the aftermath of it.

Let me start with a simple example. If you solve a good problem in math, it doesnt end there. You will always need something harder to solve. Likewise if you fix a hard time in life, you will always need something more to fix. You will savour the struggle to success more than the statisfaction of acheiveing it. And subconciuosly you will start looking for a new struggle. Because suddenly you discover thats the only way you have learnt to live.

Have you heard of kids mixing up all the sections of a jigsaw puzzle so that solving the puzzle becomes hard? Yes you yourself might actually end up creating the rest of the struggles in your life. Examples are falling in love with a person who is never going to reciprocate, getting hooked on to some addiction (like fag or booze), starting a silly business. You will do it with the same intensity with which you fought the battle of your life, and in the process this time around loose yourself and there starts a bigger battle.

You will do well at things in which you are an under dog or you're at the receiving end. Dont believe me? Try playing a duel game against an opponent equal or lesser that you. You will not do well untill you start losing. Thats when you will realise, that you always need something to fix:-)
One theory which runs through my mind always when I see India and Australia play is: The Indians wont do well until it gets stiff, afterall most of Indias men thrive in difficulty coz we are a developing nation. We do not thrive in a bed of roses coz we are still not used to it. And so we enjoy playing David always and not Goliath.

My advice to you is CHILL. After you emerge out from a tough battle, leave the airs of being a hero behind... get back to living the simplicity in life again. The enjoyment of waking up in the morning with nothing to worry about.Get used to being happy for longer periods. Enjoy life till life presents the next battle,if at all.

Please do not find something to fix.

HOPE

It sends shivers down my spine when i see this misfit walking in the lonely roads in my colony...
i usually change my path when i see her from far... or start talking on my phone, i once even hid behind a building till i saw her gone far away...
uncombed hair, dark lipstick and a hysteric facial look which so clearly potray how crazy this place, this life are driving her
the story of an innocent bangla village girl marrying a despo looking bangla who roams around the colony half naked only in super shorts
and fights and beats her in the middle of the night...
Such a misfit...
she cannot speak english nor any language by which she can converse wid anyone here...
dont know last wen she had a conversation which would have made her feel human...
such a mistfit...
i think she took that very big leap at some point in life...
and having reached this far she doesn have the guts to jump back...
now she suddenly realises the fear of falling when one tries to jump far...
whenever i see her i try thinking of a way her life can change for good... try as hard as i can but cant think of one...
it looks so gloomy... the only eventualities i can think of is suicide or a runway...
Until today afternoon...
when i was taking a reverse in my car and my rear view showed up a bulged stomach...
it was her and she was pregnant...
That little being in there is hope...
its a total new dimension to her life i feel...
I smile big while i drive back to office.... God has his own good ways!!!

then and now

I see far and near, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, big and small from my window
It gives me the ability and time to analyse what I just want to see and forget versus what I wanna get inside my home
Thats when I saw you one day...
I ran and sprang my door wide open.
You glanced once and I was happy you found it worth a visit...
Coz I dint have the balls to invite.
But once you entered I rememeber taking over the show...
While you were still in the doorway and while you walked through the corridors inside I remember setting up the home to best suite you...
I changed a few things but I swear to God most things were still original, I polished some old furniture and kept refreshing the home though as I started to understand your likes and dislikes.
I could feel you starting to like the home...
and i remember you talking about your home at times... that got us close... the enormous difference in your home and mine...
I showed you my play room... those were some great fun hours and I remember plenty of them...
and then I showed you my treasury... which had emotions, genuineness, emptiness, playfullness, friendship... i remember you impressed with the riches...
and then the store room... my history...
and then the kitchen... full of filler items...
the backyard... we both sat and chatted about everything under the sun...
the video room... we saw such beautiful places on wide screen... it felt real at times...
and then you said you had to leave...
All of a sudden... I was scared of the emptiness in my home
You left... I came till the door... and stayed there for a while to receive you if you come back...
then I trudged back home and locked myself in a room, refused to look out of the window... coz I hated seeing out of it
Finally I stood up and closed the door...
The house scared me those days.until slowly i gathered the strength to walk up to the window.
I found it difficult initially but I gradually adjusted my self to the freshness of the air outside my window.
Once again I can see far and near, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, big and small from the window
Yes, There is a difference in what I like to see and how I analyse now while I look out...
My home does not scare me anymore.
Its back to its normal beauty...